I Die Every Winter

I remember now Why I die every Winter like the libraries torched in a scorched earth ideology of ‘The New’ erasing all archaeology – manmade ‘his story’ – from Samarkand to Tehran trying to impose the illusion of nothingness nothing to see, hear nothing to see here anymore I remember now How Your socking it to me Punch drunk crack on impact the only way to loosen the tight fisted fighter grimace I wore daily to then hang broken bones from my mandible’s slackened muscle Silenced

Detached

Shocked!!!

 d
    a
       n
          g
  l
    i
      n
              g there

S   u   s   p   e   n   d   e   d

I remember now Why I try to forget With purple and yellow bruised knees Kneeling hunched over and choking That heavy trembling gun to my temples Leaf blower rammed up into my mouth

Ripping 		my		 	lips 			apart

a blast of frigid air shoots through its marksman’s trajectory faster than fear blindingly bright I remember just how familiar these stifling tight tiny breaths are Nospaceinthechest or this compressed skeleton Cinch-waisted, boned-corset emaciated I can see now That it is Summer’s heat that kills more quickly than cold that, purification by fire peels back fat padded layers protecting the heart revealing, exposed tender flesh There is no threat I can rest assured, accepted at last If I look over my shoulder at the burning city, with regret I turn, rigid and unyielding, to salt I remember now Why it is better to forget it all And be reborn with every single season